Hell of a Guy
You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life - Albert Camus

Thursday, June 23, 2016

These Days…


These days I am a kept man. Having retired nearly four and a half years ago I quickly realized that job I had for twenty-nine years definitely got in the way of my personal life. These days I do as little as possible and volunteer for nothing, at all. Life is good!

These days I am a kept man. The Nancy, to whom I am happily married to and deliriously in love with, keeps me in the lifestyle I came to appreciate as a working stiff. She, too, retired, but she wanted to keep working and I encouraged her, for my benefit, to follow her bliss. Life is good!

These days, while not as vigorous or virile as I once was, am quite satisfied knowing at age 72 I do not have to be, nor am I supposed to be. And, come to think of it, I do not want to be, for if I were, more would be expected of me. I choose to not live up to others expectations. Life is good!

These days, after denying the existence of a higher power for most of my adult life, find I am a spiritual person, and even occasionally go to church. My mother, the Methodist preacher’s daughter, would be proud of me, and so am I. Life is good!

These days I often think of family, those close to me and those not so close. I have a wife I dearly love, daughters I dearly love, brothers I dearly love and other family and friends I get to love, as well. Life is good!

These days, like today, I get to travel to places like this one. I am sitting in the lobby of the Sheraton Grand in Chicago looking out at the Chicago River and a nearby bridge where there is a guy blowing hundreds of bubbles, allowing the wind to catch them and spread them in the air across the roadway. Why does he do this? I do not have a clue, but is it beautiful to watch. It makes me happy. Life is good.

These days I take it all in with a grain of salt. The world is a beautiful, fucked up place where some terrible people live to do horrible things. A place, too, where babies are born who will grow to do wonderful things. A place where one day the good will far and away outweigh the bad. And for that, life is good.

And that is all I have to say about that…

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

My Thoughts on Politics 2016


Thoughts? Really? Well, here goes.

As I look at it, there is no real choice this November. On one hand we have the egomaniac known as “The Donald.” Trump is probably a very smart, shrewd investor and business man; however, on the other hand he is childlike and given to allowing his mouth to spew crazy thoughts that enter brain and are not filtered through his mouth.

On the other hand, we have Hillary. A woman who in known to be a divisive untrustworthy liar. Hillary would sell her grandchild if it would get her in the White House. She talks a good game, but comes across as insincere, disingenuous and fraudulent. She is a proven liar.

Both are really unworthy of the highest office in the land, but, nonetheless, we have to choose one.

I read a post on Facebook this morning put there by someone saying our only hope is to vote for the Libertarian candidate. My thoughts on this are, any vote for one of these “sub” parties is a completely wasted action. None can or will win; we are a two-party nation…are now and will forever be.

What I like most about Trump is that he is not a politician, and with that he says what he believes (even when he should keep his mouth shut). On the other hand, we have a career politician who will say what she needs to say to get your support – and say it with a straight face, knowing all the while she is lying through her teeth.

Clinton is under a criminal investigation by the FBI. They already have enough evidence to indict her from what I have heard on the news programs and read, but will they? I figure she has enough on the Obama Administration to keep the DOJ from proceeding with any action. This is the “Quid, Pro, Quo” game the Clintons have made famous. They should both be in jail.

I first voted in a presidential election in 1968, having missed eligibility to vote in the 1964 election by three months. I have never voted for a Democrat for president, but have voted Democrat candidates in state and local elections. I believe the less government we have in our personal affairs the better off we are.

I am not happy with the presumptive Republican candidate, but he will get my vote but not having earned it. To me Mr. Ego is the lessor of two evils, and I like the lessor over the more evil one. Even Hillary’s smile is evil.

And that is all I have to say about that…

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Journaling and Nostalgia…


A funny thing happened on the way to journaling, or as a result, thereof!

Recently as The Nancy and I were slated to travel to Louisiana, I decided to stick a notebook where I began to keep a journal January 1, 1993 in my bag. As expected, it made for some interesting reading, and as I started to read some of what I wrote 23 years ago, I was instantly transported back in time. Wow! What a ride that was.

As I read the words I put to paper back in those tumultuous days, I laughed a lot and cried a little and came to the realization I was at the time totally, though unapologetically, fucked up. These thoughts I had written two decades ago was who I was at the time, they defined me to a perfect “T” (whatever a perfect “T” is I have no idea, but I was it). I was 49 and oh so very much in the midst of a severe mid-life crisis. Basically, I was lost in trying to find myself, to find what I had defined in my own mind as happiness. Well, I found it, but it took some ugly twists and turns and the road to it was very long and very bumpy. I hurt some people and made some others happy. I cannot, nor would I care to, go back and change a single thing. It is history, my history.

This journal that began with some jotted notes in lined notebook, now has over 800 (single-sided) pages. I don’t write as much in it or as often as I used to write or should write. After my youngest daughter provided me with the blog site http://www.hell-of-a-guy.com about 10-years ago, much of what I wrote I posted there and also copied to my journal. The blog used to have a counter and registered every hit and was well over 500,000 when it hit a snag and stopped counting, so these days I have no idea if anyone other than me even looks at this stuff. Still, I feel the need to occasionally write some bullshit and post it here. And then a few years ago Facebook came along and I became a prolific Facebooker, and much of my bullshit is posted there for millions to see. With Facebook I get instant feedback from people I piss off and also from those agree or like my BS. I like that.

Journaling is both fun and therapeutic. It provides the writer with an avenue for one’s deepest thoughts, likes and dislikes. It is a place where bullshit can reside for a very long time…you see, bullshit does not decay, but over time it does lose some of its stink, especially when read 20 years later it is written.

And that is all I have to say about that…

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

The Muffin


I try not to think of myself as a senior citizen or just plain old, but I sometimes sure as hell feel like it when I get out of the bed in the morning (more so in the middle of the night) or out of a chair after sitting for a while. I suppose this is just a fact of life, part of getting older, and I am getting older.

The upside for me at this phase of my life hit me last September 3rd with the birth of one Lynnley Grace Carder at about 9:30pm on that wonderful Thursday night. The Nancy and I got to witness the birth in a fashion. We, along with about a dozen others, some with ears pressed against the hospital suite’s door, finally, after being outside the room in a hallway for at least an hour, heard some movement indicating the birth had occurred. We were joyous, and even more joyous when the door opened and we were allowed back into the room. There we found Lynnley cradled by her mother with her father looking on in utter amazement. It was a magnificent, beautiful scene and one I will never forget.

Later that evening when The Nancy and I had returned to our hotel room and hit the sack there a point in the middle of the night where I became restless and somewhat awake. As I lay there my mind wondered to thoughts of the baby, it was at this point I thought to call her “The Muffin,” and it has stuck. She will forever be The Muffin to me, and a beautiful little muffin she is.

I can just see Lynnley and I someday, the great-grandfather and the great-grandchild, having a one-on-one breakfast at Bob Evans as I have done with other grandchildren over the years. It was wonderful with them and I know it will be wonderful with her. I am so looking forward to the day.

I just love this little girl so much. I have loved her all of her life. She makes me feel young again.

And that is all I have to say about that…

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