Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Talking With God

10/25/2006

If you have kept up with my posts then you know I have had some issues with God.  I have searched for a long time for something to give me a sign that a higher being, in any form, exists.  About halfway through the Millennium workshops I got it, I had a spiritual epiphany.  I came to realize that “God” is the whole of everything and I am a part of God.  I am connected to everything and it of me.

Okay, most of my adult life has been spent denying the existence of a God or anything resembling a higher consciousness or being.  I moved from agnosticism to atheism back to agnosticism, all through the “isms,” but never testing the waters as to whether or not a higher being was really out there.  One of my daughters says she believes because she is afraid not to.  My questions began when I was very young, and then when my mother died I became angry with God (if “it” existed at all?) and just left it alone, at that time my search for God ended.

I am reading a book written by Dr. Gary Schwartz called “The G.O.D. Experiments.” It’s pretty cool.  Basically, the book is about how science proves the existence of a higher power, one that Dr. Schwartz calls a “Guiding, Organizing, Designing” process, aka God.  This book mirrors my own conclusion of my connectivity with all things and my view of a higher being.

This is the neat part: The other night I was lying in my bed allowing my mind to wander.  I began to think “God” and in my mind asking if He/She was listening.  What happened next startled me and rocked my world.  In a voice I didn’t recognize or ever sensed before I clearly heard or sensed the words “I am.” Weird, huh?

I don’t exactly know what this means or what affect it has or will have on my life, but it shook me to my bones.  Did I imagine it?  I don’t know what to think.  All I know is that I heard or sensed this voice letting me know something of a higher power, God, if you wish, is listening to me. 

I would welcome your thoughts and that all I have to say about that…

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Kids...Where did the time go?

10/19/2006

A friend of mine just sent me three photos of his daughter as she was about to attend her first high school dance.  She is simply gorgeous and so grown up.  As I looked at the pictures I couldn’t help but recall a meal I had with my friend, his wife and his three beautiful children.  My recollection of the kids is that they were babies, and this was just a year or two ago.  Surely they cannot be old enough for one of them to be in high school.  Can they?

I got to thinking about my own girls and other kids in my life.  Where does the time go?  How did they grow up so quickly?  Have I been asleep or in a coma?  Does tempus really fugit?

The memory of me changing Michelle’s diapers is so vivid.  I can see her dressed up in her “Mary Jane’s,” that she referred to as “Dorothy shoes.” I can picture her in front of the TV sitting in her little rocker wearing a tiara or dressed up in an Indian costume for Halloween (1971).  I can see her smile on Christmas morning as she caught sight of her first new two-wheeler.  Where did the time go?  Michelle will be forty in January.

Where did the time go?  Meredith and I went camping with the Indian Princesses and nearly froze in the twenty-seven degree night.  It seems like yesterday.  She enjoyed and I tolerated a Boy George concert in Newport News, Virginia.  How did we get from Indian Princesses one day to nearing the end of her second pregnancy so quickly?  Where did the time go?

Kids: They grow up so fast.  I wish now I had hugged mine more – though I still get to do it.  I know I wasted a lot of valuable time on dumb shit when I could have been enjoying my girls.  I know the dynamic has changed for them as well as me.  And while they have grown and I have grown we still have time for hugs and time to create more memories.  Cherish your time with kids – whether they are yours or not.  What would this world be without kids?  Time would run out.

And that’s all I have to say about that…except to tell you to go hug a kid.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings...

10/12/2006

Last night I was seated at the bar of my favorite restaurant here in Beautiful Downtown Berkeley Springs, West Virginia, population 711, enjoying a sumptuous meal with The Nancy by my side.  I suppose I was deep in thought when Betsy Heath (she and her husband Damian own the place), who was tending bar, asked me if I was okay.  Well, I was okay but lost in something that popped into my head. 

The Nancy and I have known Betsy and Damian for a little over a year.  Lot 12 is without a doubt the best restaurant in Berkeley Springs, and to me the best in this state.  The food is far and away beyond good, it is amazingly good.  The Nancy and I enjoy a meal there about once a week.  Lot 12 has spoiled me to the other restaurants in this town and this area.  Check it out at http://www.lot12.com.

The thought I was stuck on, as I watched Betsy draw my Wild Goose IPA from the tap, was how I have come to fall in love with she and her husband and how to let them know how much I care for them.  I know I could just blurt it out, but I am concerned they may not take it as I mean it.  Later, after we had finished our meals and drinks and headed out for home, I thought some more about how many people there are in this world with whom I have daily contact that I have come to have special feelings for beyond mere acquaintanceship (if that is the proper term), but may have failed to let them know it. 

What is wrong with being open and letting those I know I have special feelings for know it as well?  I don’t think there is a thing wrong with it.  I need to do it. So, I think I will make a list, kind of like the guy on “My Name is Earl” and begin to let those on the list know exactly how I feel about them.  I have done this to some degree already, not nearly enough.  I could probably post the list here, but with now over 21,800 hits I just know I might offend someone whose name isn’t posted.  I am not sure I could even name everyone.  This list will take some thought, for sure, but I bet I could rattle off fifty names in a very short time.

As for Betsy and Damian, I kind of think they know how I feel about them.  Each of us has a “way of being.” Mine, as a “courageous, open, connected man” (this is Millennium stuff), has allowed me to be expressive as long as I use it to express my feelings.  I think my way of being may get the point across to them.  People can sense these things.  I haven’t verbalized my feelings to them yet, but I will.  I may to you, as well.  In fact, if you are reading this now know that I love you even if I don’t know you.

And that’s all I have to say about that…

PS:  Great DaVinci Codesque book for you Dan Brown fans.  Read “The Expected One” by Kathleen McGowan.  Check it out at http://www.theexpectedone.com. 

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Oliver the Cat

10/08/2006

21,544 hits and counting.

Just about a year ago The Nancy and I took ownership of two kittens.  Our granddaughter, Jessica, snookered us in to taking them.  She played us like a fiddle.  Her dad had told her the kittens had to go.  She called her grandmother and pleaded for us to take them so daddy wouldn’t take them to the animal shelter.  We took the cats to please her.  What Jessica didn’t tell us was that daddy had promised her a puppy if she gave the kittens away.  We got the cats; she got her puppy. 

As you may know The Nancy and I live in the middle of an old 115 acre farm.  It is a great place for cats – lots of little critters for them to stalk and sometimes snare.  Farm living gave us the idea of naming the kittens Oliver and Lisa, remember “Green Acres?” They had been called Friskie and Angel.  They never acknowledged the name change, nor did they come when called by either the new or the old names.  Cats are basically stupid, I think, but then again, perhaps not.  The Nancy once told me to dogs we are family: to cats we are merely staff.  She may have nailed it.  The kittens grew and had fun romping outside, chasing birds, moles and mice, especially Oliver.

The more affectionate of the two, at least to me, was Oliver.  He would walk up in front of The Nancy or me quite literally flop down and rollover on his back.  Maybe this was his way of acknowledging us?  I don’t have any idea about what the move was for, but often even if he was just walking across the room he would flop down and roll on his back.  He got a kick out of coming into our bedroom in the morning and jumping on the bed, whereupon he would proceed to walk up my side of the bed and take the shortcut from my side to The Nancy’s over my head, generally catching me with at least two paws – one on a cheek and the other on my forehead.  We called him “Wild Man” and the nickname fit him perfectly. 

Oliver, was also the more vociferous of the two, serenaded us with constant meows and other vocalizations, mostly at night when he wanted out.  He enjoyed being out at all night long doing cat stuff.  If we didn’t let him out, he would make us aware of his displeasure until we got totally disgusted and threw his little butt outside.  Lately he wanted to be out more than in, and we know it wasn’t hormonal because he was “fixed.” I can easily say for not having any, this kitty had balls.

About on the 25th of September Oliver didn’t show up in the morning after being out all night.  The Nancy was going to Dallas on the 28th for a Millennium workshop and I was heading to Richmond, Virginia to spend some time with my daughters, my son-in-law and Vivienne Leigh, aka Miss Scarlet.  Oliver elected to not come home and we had to leave him to the elements.  We didn’t risk leaving food out due to the possibility of attracting other animals.  I arrived back at the farm on Saturday evening and, still, Oliver was nowhere to be seen.

I have never been a huge pet lover, although most of my adult life has found animals close by.  In the dog category there was Fred, Partner, Cuddles, Whiskers, Casey and, presently, Stella.  As for cats, there was Cat #1, because I don’t remember its name (I was about ten), Oedipus (Eddie for short), Shakespear (Shaker), and Morris.  Personally, I can take them or leave them.  I would be most comfortable without them; however, the damn hair spreaders do grow on you after a while.  Lisa and Oliver have become part of the family.

Stella, the mixed breed Black Lab, that lives with us and is a story in its own right, is the Alpha pet around this house, but the cats adore her.  They have slept by her side and followed her around whenever they were outside together.  The Nancy and I go for walks on some of the paths cut through the fields around the property.  Stella goes ahead and leads the pack, The Nancy and I would be in the middle and not far behind us would come both cats.  Occasionally the cats twould scamper by and trade places with us, and we would be bringing up the rear.  The point being here that the cats thought of Stella as family – definitely not staff – and she was as comfortable with them as she is us.

Last Sunday afternoon I found Oliver’s remains out in a field about a quarter mile from the house.  I was led there by a couple of buzzards circling in the air and two on the ground.  Oliver was the object of their fascination.

I decided not to attempt to bury what remained of Oliver having read not to very long ago about how cells (atom or molecules) from one thing can migrate into another and live on.  All of the protons and neutrons that existed since the beginning of all things are all present in today’s world.  They cannot be created, nor can they be destroyed…hence, eternal life.  Anyway, I thought about that as I looked at what remained of the cat I came to love.  Maybe part of Oliver already lives on in something else already?  As odd as this seems for me, the not-so-much-a-lover-of-animals, to say, I miss him. 

And that is all I have to say about that…