Hell of a Guy
Do, or do not. There is no 'try'. - Yoda

Friday, March 17, 2006

Whatever Happened to Patsy Richardson

03/17/2006

This site allows me a unique opportunity to live in the “now” yet still be able to look back and examine the path I traveled to get me where I am today.  I have thought about this off and on for a couple of days.  “This” being a means to really explore my past, write it down for the world to see.  Maybe, just maybe, these words will get someone else to thinking about the path they took?  I do not dwell on the past, and I certainly don’t regret it.  There may be some things I would change, if possible, more that I would want to clean up, for sure, but none that I would not go back in time and relive again, just for the chance to do it.  So, here goes the first one…

One might suppose I would begin my nostalgic adventure from as far back as I can remember.  Early memories of my life are but a few, that is, those that stand out as particularly interesting or cogent.  My sister claims to remember occurrences from the age of one.  I don’t have that many that I can call up, but then, I haven’t tried.  When I pondered what course to take (and I cannot explain what triggered this one) my first thought was of Patsy Richardson.  Patsy, a wide-eyed, auburn-haired knockout in an eight-year old’s body.  Centerfold material, for sure, had I had any idea at age eight what a centerfold was?  My early years can wait a while longer to be recalled, reviewed and examined, if I can draw on the memory of them.  This segment is devoted to this gorgeous specimen of feminine pulchritude. 

My vision of Patsy, at least my recollection of it some fifty-four years after first laying my eyes upon her, is of a face full of very light freckles spread over milk-white skin, green eyes that sparkled as she smiled exposing perfect, bright-white teeth and shoulder-length hair that flipped up as it lay on her shoulders.  She was a third-grade goddess in miniature.  I can envision her still, dressed in a white blouse with lace around the collar, a red and green plaid skirt that showed off a lot of her creamy white legs, white socks that barely covered her ankles and those shiny black shoes that had a narrow strap and buckled on the side.  This was my dream girl.  Eight years old and in love for the first time with a female other than my mother.

The only problem with this story is the one-sidedness of the relationship.  Mine was an unrequited love.  Patsy Richardson had no interest in acknowledging my existence, let alone my undying, unwavering feelings for her.  This was the purest kind of love…it was real and from the depths of my heart.  If you know me, really know me, this will come as no great surprise to you. Patsy spurned my advances, and I didn’t really care, for in my head – and I wrote the lines – she was head-over-heels in love with me and I was her four-foot man.  This undying love lasted about four or five months.  Patsy was in all of my classes from my first day of kindergarten at Gardenville Elementary School in Baltimore, beginning about February 1, 1949 and through the sixth grade.  I am not sure if she went on the Hamilton Junior High in February 1955 or if she moved away from the area.  Nonetheless, she did move out of my life, and now I am left with this memory and thoughts of what may have happened in her life and where she may be now?  I know she probably will never see this or know that I remember her so clearly – wouldn’t it be funny if she had no freckles and black hair – but I wish I could see her again and share a moment with her, perhaps even a hug.  I suppose everyone has a “Patsy” or two in their past.  I am glad I got to share mine with you.

So here I am once again writing the lines, telling my story at my pace, examining memories and times in my life that have not crossed my conscious mind in decades.  With this website I get to create and recreate.  I have kept a journal since 1992 which is most personal and not sharable until I am gone.  Some of my thoughts are not wholesome or acceptable, nothing nefarious, but still, things that for now are for my eyes only.  At first I wrote in it every day.  Now I seem to journal every couple of weeks or so, or whenever I remember I have not made an entry in a while, that is when I add to the near 300 page document.  My goal here is to update this at least once each week, perhaps more often than that.  I sincerely hope you enjoy this and that it sparks something in you to reach back, reflect and bury the past.  Now is now.  Enjoy it. 

PS:  March 5th Nancy and I stopped at a restaurant for a late lunch on the way back from a weekend with grandchildren.  I saw a painting, a watercolor I think, and on it written bottom to top was the statement that follows and I thought this is so relevant to me and the way I view life these days: “I will die young, no matter at what age the experience occurs.”  Ponder that for a while?

 

Another PS:  Here is the Farm in Winter dress.

image

 
Friday, March 03, 2006

The Man I have Become

03/03/2006

If you do not wish to know of this, now would be a good time to go to another site.  Meredith, turn away now.

A mere fifteen months ago I began a series of workshops in Dallas, Texas that changed my life.  I cannot say I was forced to do this, but the challenge was laid before me in so many ways by the woman with whom I share my life.  Nancy had completed the series of three prior to my going to the Basic workshop at Millennium3 Education in November of 2004.  (I will share the website just once - http://www.millennium3education.com)  As .the Basic workshop got started, and a mere three hours into it, I was hooked.  Doors I had closed years before suddenly opened, as did my eyes.  The realization of the fraudulent manner in which I had lived the first sixty years of my life hit me like nothing ever had before.  Throughout the Advanced workshop and the ninety-plus days of the Leadership Program, I got to examine what I was, who I was, take control of my life and ditch the facade I had worn since birth.  This is without a doubt the greatest thing I have ever done for me. 

Without spilling the beans on exactly what the program is and how it works, I will tell you of one thing I got to do that has had the most positive affect on me.  I got to establish a contract for life with myself.  I am a Courageous, Open and Connected Man.  Now you may wonder what this means?  Here it is in a nutshell: I now stand up and face life headon, where before I did not; I am now very vulneralbe, where before I was not open to anyone or anything, even hiding from myself; I am connected, simply meaning I am in touch and I care, whereas before Millennium I was not.  Am I perfect?  Not by a long shot; however, the changes in my way of being are measurable and very sustainable. 

Each of us posesses a public persona and a private persona.  That is to say, who you are in public - the person you truly wish everyone to think you are - is not necessarily the person you face in the mirror each morning.  In my morning person I saw someone hugely different than the David I wanted the world to believe was me.  Millennium allowed me to examine myself openly and honestly, and to take the steps to be the man my God intended me to be.


During this past year I have taken a special interest in letting those people I love know it.  Having come to realize there are people in my life that I truly love that includes close and extended family, friends and co-workers, I took the risk, though it wasn’t much of one, and have begun to let them know how I truly feel about them.  And, guess what happened?  The responses I received were overwhelmingly positive, and my “I love you” was acknowledged and returned.  Amazing?  Not really. It is they way it is supposed to be. 

3-7-06…When I wrote this I did not intend for it to go to the site.  Actually, I had not completed it and wanted to mull it over for a while, to ruminate on what I had said.  So much for rumination.  I must have mistakenly hit the submit button.  In any event, it is posted and will stay for a few days.  My intent is purely to let all know that I see changes, huge changes, in my way of being since completing this program.  I have developed a love of life, of people, of things, and especially a love of me that I did not have.  People ask me how I am, and now I tell them I am perfect.  That is how I feel.  I am a Courageous, Open and Connected Man, and I am damn glad to know you.

 
Monday, February 27, 2006

Inaugural Address

02/27/2006

“Inaugural” is defined as the “beginning of a new venture, series”  In this case, and with this website, it is a new “adventure.”  Not being a technological giant, doing this will challenge me perhaps beyond my limits, but I sure as hell will give it everything I have.  This venue is where I get to expound on my take on life, my life, politics, religion - my views on all things “God” (more later), and anything else that comes to mind.  I can choose to be serious, funny, witty, anal, nostalgic, philosophical, and romantic, and I can express feelings and views in whatsoever manner I wish to do so.  Wow!  This is so cool.

Having encouraged, for many years, numerous others to write, as my daughters know firsthand, and because of my own desire to do so, this site was given to me by my daughter and son-in-law, Meredith and Phil.  The tables have been turned on me, the ball is now in my court, it’s put up or shut up.  I have had the desire to write for a very long time, and prior to this I have put it off using excuses such as; I don’t have the time; I am way to busy; I have to do this first; with just a high school education, I don’t have the skills; I am not smart enough.  Meredith said, “Bullshit!” 

Now I must admit I am prone to a little fatherly hyperbole from time to time.  Bullshit, may be a little harsh, but then again I do have a propensity, at times, to allow my jawbone to move down and up while contorting my lips and activating my vocal cords, and all of this without any interaction of the three with any cerebral involvement.  Some may view this as the act of Bullshitting.  Hell, call a spade a spade: I Bullshit, and I am proud of it.  BSing and lying are not the same thing.  To lie is to not tell the truth.  A lie is saying something you know to be inherently false in an attempt to deceive.  BS is merely BS, and not meant to harm anyone, but just throw them off for a moment or two.

Whatever it is will be whatever it is.  Take it or leave it: use it or chuck it.  This is my blog.  If you want your own contact Phil Hertzler at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).  He works cheap.

 
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