Hell of a Guy
Freedom of Press is limited to those who own one - H.L. Mencken

Friday, October 27, 2006

The Nancy and Her Gifts

10/27/2006

October 30th will be the sixth anniversary of our wedding day, The Nancy and I, that is.  She and I have been an “item” for over thirteen years.  I believe I first met her sometime in 1987 or 1988.  She attended the West Virginia Association of School Business Officials Conference in Charleston, West Virginia, and I was there with my sales rep manning a booth full of my company’s products.  It wasn’t until many years later we began a relationship.  That story offers some twists and turns and some ups and downs, but the bottom line is I fell head-over-heels in love with this woman.  I was at first drawn to her oh so beautiful eyes and over time came to realize the beauty in her ever so gentle demeanor.  Then it took me seven years to ask her to become “one” with me.
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Each year on the anniversary of our wedding I have written a letter to The Nancy expressing my deep feelings for her.  This year I get to do it openly for the world to see.  I want the world to know exactly how I feel about this magnificent woman.  My wish for everyone is that someday they will find their “Nancy” and be as happy as I am.

This woman doesn’t seem to understand the overall beauty I find in her and in all she does, and does not understand how I can have such deep feelings for her.  She is always telling me how little she does for me and how much I do for her.  The fact of the matter is simply this: She does and has done more for me than I can possibly ever give back to her.  She need only be by my side and my heart skips a beat.  My (very soon to be known) secret is that I can hardly take my eyes off her when she is near.  There are times I look at her and have difficulty containing the emotion that I feel, and it is quickly evidenced by the moisture that accumulates in my eyes.  She often sees it and merely says to me, “I love you, too.”  I miss her when she leaves the room.  Though it may not seem this way, I cannot fully put into words the reasons I feel about her the way I do, I just except it as the truth.

Over the years, since The Nancy and I first began our relationship, I may hear a song or glance something that brings her into the forefront of my mind and I can sense the emotion coming on.  Now I can’t say I have ever been so emotional as to break down, but I can surely say I tear up whenever I hear songs with lyrics such as these:

How do you keep the music playing?
How do you make it last?
How do you keep the song from fading too fast?
How do you lose yourself to someone?
And never lose your ways
How do you not run out of new things to say?
And since we’re always changing
How can it be the same?
And tell me how year after year
You’re sure your heart will fall apart
Each time you hear her name
I know the way I feel for you
It’s now or never
The more I love the more that I’m afraid
That in your eyes I may not see forever..
Forever…

If we can be the best of lovers
Yet be the best of friends
If we can try with everyday to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends

I know the way I feel for you
It’s now or never!
(How do you keep the music playing?)
The more I love the more that I’m afraid
(How do you make it last)
That in your eyes I may not see forever
Forever…
(How do you keep the song from fading, keep the song from fading too fast)
If we can be the best of lovers
Yet be the best of friends
If we can try with everyday to make it better as it grows
With any luck, then I suppose
The music never ends  

I am so very happy and very lucky to have found someone with whom I can share everything.  There isn’t anything I would rather do than spend time with The Nancy.  She and I have talked about this a lot, so when she reads this I know she won’t be surprised.  Perhaps it isn’t good for me to be so one dimensional, but it is surely a fact.  I am in love with this woman.

Thanks, Nancy, for being my wife. 

And that is all I have to say about that… 

 
Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Talking With God

10/25/2006

If you have kept up with my posts then you know I have had some issues with God.  I have searched for a long time for something to give me a sign that a higher being, in any form, exists.  About halfway through the Millennium workshops I got it, I had a spiritual epiphany.  I came to realize that “God” is the whole of everything and I am a part of God.  I am connected to everything and it of me.

Okay, most of my adult life has been spent denying the existence of a God or anything resembling a higher consciousness or being.  I moved from agnosticism to atheism back to agnosticism, all through the “isms,” but never testing the waters as to whether or not a higher being was really out there.  One of my daughters says she believes because she is afraid not to.  My questions began when I was very young, and then when my mother died I became angry with God (if “it” existed at all?) and just left it alone, at that time my search for God ended.

I am reading a book written by Dr. Gary Schwartz called “The G.O.D. Experiments.”  It’s pretty cool.  Basically, the book is about how science proves the existence of a higher power, one that Dr. Schwartz calls a “Guiding, Organizing, Designing” process, aka God.  This book mirrors my own conclusion of my connectivity with all things and my view of a higher being.

This is the neat part: The other night I was lying in my bed allowing my mind to wander.  I began to think “God” and in my mind asking if He/She was listening.  What happened next startled me and rocked my world.  In a voice I didn’t recognize or ever sensed before I clearly heard or sensed the words “I am.”  Weird, huh?

I don’t exactly know what this means or what affect it has or will have on my life, but it shook me to my bones.  Did I imagine it?  I don’t know what to think.  All I know is that I heard or sensed this voice letting me know something of a higher power, God, if you wish, is listening to me. 

I would welcome your thoughts and that all I have to say about that… 

 
Thursday, October 19, 2006

Kids…Where did the time go?

10/19/2006

A friend of mine just sent me three photos of his daughter as she was about to attend her first high school dance.  She is simply gorgeous and so grown up.  As I looked at the pictures I couldn’t help but recall a meal I had with my friend, his wife and his three beautiful children.  My recollection of the kids is that they were babies, and this was just a year or two ago.  Surely they cannot be old enough for one of them to be in high school.  Can they?

I got to thinking about my own girls and other kids in my life.  Where does the time go?  How did they grow up so quickly?  Have I been asleep or in a coma?  Does tempus really fugit?

The memory of me changing Michelle’s diapers is so vivid.  I can see her dressed up in her “Mary Jane’s,” that she referred to as “Dorothy shoes.”  I can picture her in front of the TV sitting in her little rocker wearing a tiara or dressed up in an Indian costume for Halloween (1971).  I can see her smile on Christmas morning as she caught sight of her first new two-wheeler.  Where did the time go?  Michelle will be forty in January.

Where did the time go?  Meredith and I went camping with the Indian Princesses and nearly froze in the twenty-seven degree night.  It seems like yesterday.  She enjoyed and I tolerated a Boy George concert in Newport News, Virginia.  How did we get from Indian Princesses one day to nearing the end of her second pregnancy so quickly?  Where did the time go?

Kids: They grow up so fast.  I wish now I had hugged mine more – though I still get to do it.  I know I wasted a lot of valuable time on dumb shit when I could have been enjoying my girls.  I know the dynamic has changed for them as well as me.  And while they have grown and I have grown we still have time for hugs and time to create more memories.  Cherish your time with kids – whether they are yours or not.  What would this world be without kids?  Time would run out.

And that’s all I have to say about that…except to tell you to go hug a kid.

 
Thursday, October 12, 2006

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings…

10/12/2006

Last night I was seated at the bar of my favorite restaurant here in Beautiful Downtown Berkeley Springs, West Virginia, population 711, enjoying a sumptuous meal with The Nancy by my side.  I suppose I was deep in thought when Betsy Heath (she and her husband Damian own the place), who was tending bar, asked me if I was okay.  Well, I was okay but lost in something that popped into my head. 

The Nancy and I have known Betsy and Damian for a little over a year.  Lot 12 is without a doubt the best restaurant in Berkeley Springs, and to me the best in this state.  The food is far and away beyond good, it is amazingly good.  The Nancy and I enjoy a meal there about once a week.  Lot 12 has spoiled me to the other restaurants in this town and this area.  Check it out at http://www.lot12.com .

The thought I was stuck on, as I watched Betsy draw my Wild Goose IPA from the tap, was how I have come to fall in love with she and her husband and how to let them know how much I care for them.  I know I could just blurt it out, but I am concerned they may not take it as I mean it.  Later, after we had finished our meals and drinks and headed out for home, I thought some more about how many people there are in this world with whom I have daily contact that I have come to have special feelings for beyond mere acquaintanceship (if that is the proper term), but may have failed to let them know it. 

What is wrong with being open and letting those I know I have special feelings for know it as well?  I don’t think there is a thing wrong with it.  I need to do it. So, I think I will make a list, kind of like the guy on “My Name is Earl” and begin to let those on the list know exactly how I feel about them.  I have done this to some degree already, not nearly enough.  I could probably post the list here, but with now over 21,800 hits I just know I might offend someone whose name isn’t posted.  I am not sure I could even name everyone.  This list will take some thought, for sure, but I bet I could rattle off fifty names in a very short time.

As for Betsy and Damian, I kind of think they know how I feel about them.  Each of us has a “way of being.”  Mine, as a “courageous, open, connected man” (this is Millennium stuff), has allowed me to be expressive as long as I use it to express my feelings.  I think my way of being may get the point across to them.  People can sense these things.  I haven’t verbalized my feelings to them yet, but I will.  I may to you, as well.  In fact, if you are reading this now know that I love you even if I don’t know you.

And that’s all I have to say about that…

PS:  Great DaVinci Codesque book for you Dan Brown fans.  Read “The Expected One” by Kathleen McGowan.  Check it out at http://www.theexpectedone.com  .

 

 
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