Hell of a Guy
You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life - Albert Camus

Friday, January 11, 2008

Holding on to Nothing…

01/11/2008

A dear friend sent me an article recently on “Self Confidence” and how people lose it and, I suppose, how to regain it.  I briefly glanced at it and just as quickly deleted it determining this is not for me.  At first I felt a little badly, inasmuch as my friend sent it to me and I didn’t even bother to read it.  Later, I learned in a conversation with my main man in Albuquerque he had not read it either.  Self confidence is not something I lack.  In fact, I don’t believe I have ever thought about it.  Maybe I am not smart enough to doubt myself. 

The second paragraph of Dean Koontz’s latest novel reads: “For some, the past is a chain, each day a link, raveling backward to one ringbolt or another, in one dark place or another, and tomorrow is a slave to yesterday.”  Now know that I am not a Dean Knootz fan, I think I have read only one of his books, but this short snippet from his latest resonated with me.  Why do some of us want to chain ourselves to the past?

Have you ever watched Chef Gordon Ramsay’s series “Kitchen Nightmares?”  For those of you who don’t know him, Gordon Ramsay (http://www.gordonramsay.com) is a highly successful chef with restaurants in London, Prague, Dubai and Dublin.  He also has a series on Fox called “Hell’s Kitchen.”  He is a foul mouthed, in-your-face perfectionist when it comes to food preparation and running a restaurant.  I love him.  On one of the Kitchen Nightmares segments, where he goes into a failing restaurant operation and sets it on a successful course, he told the owner/chef that he was “so afraid to risk change he would rather fail than try something new.”  The resistant restaurateur was so stuck in his past and his routine he missed the fact he lives in the present and things change.  If fact, there in only the present.  Anything that happened yesterday is old news.  Right now is the now.

I am not so sure even I get what I am saying here is coming out as I wish it to.  The point is that the lack self confidence, in my opinion, is so totally related to something from one’s past it makes the whole concept moot.  If you lack self confidence it is a self worth issue, and that is that.  If you deem yourself unworthy you are so dragging that chain Dean Koontz refers to.  Have you seen the TV commercials where Peyton Manning gives pep talks?  Well, here’s one for those of you with a self-confidence/self-worth issue. 

In this life you are totally responsible for what happens to you in your life, you are not your past and your life is nothing more than possibilities and choices.  If you think you are a pile of shit, guess what? You get to choose who and what you are.  If what you choose doesn’t work, choose something else.  Don’t go down on a sinking ship under the sheer weight of memory.  This is what I took away from my Millennium3 Education workshops.

And that is all I have to say about that…

 
Saturday, January 05, 2008

My New Year’s Resolution and a Vacation Goal

01/05/2008

Let’s get the Resolution out of the way right away…I will lose twenty-five pounds.  There I’ve said it!!!  It’s now cast in stone and I cannot back out of it until later today when the hunger pangs reach near critical.  Actually, now that I am in this for the third day, I am committed.  This past Wednesday morning at 7AM The Nancy and I mounted the scale, but not at the same time, to see just how badly we have abused formerly trim bodies.  On my turn the scale creaked and moaned and it looked as if the indicator wheel went around a couple of times before it settled on 240.  Just to give you an idea of how much The Nancy has caused me to gain, I weighed about 190 when we first began to see one another.  So, with that said I have set a minimum goal of 215 and a super, ultimate goal of 205.  The 205 is what one of my former doctors suggested was a healthy weight for me; 205 being ten pounds over what I weighed when I got out of Air Force Basic Training in November of 1963 and was supposedly in the best physical condition I could be.  I’ll keep you posted on my success, but know at this very moment I am extremely hungry.  Also know I ate my lunch about an hour ago and am sitting here wondering what’s so wrong with being fat.

The Goal: I have been off since December 22nd.  Monday I GET to go back to work.  Finally with this time off I have begun to finish some of the list of home projects I wrote down about a year or more ago.  I began with painting the basement walls and floors.  Both had been painted in the past and really needed attention.  I started this painting project on Home To Do list last winter, but being the quintessential procrastinator that I am, I was able to quit a quarter of the way and felt no guilt about quitting.  Well, it finally got to me and I knew I had to git-er-done, so I purposefully took the past two weeks off with that one goal in mind, paint the damn basement.  The basement of this house is about 3000 square feet, in case you are wondering why it took two weeks, and throw into the mix that I am an incredibly inept painter.  I get more on me than on the walls.  Right now the project is about 98% complete, so I think I can safely say it will be completed in 2008.  I do know I need to get back to work so I can get some rest.  By the way, I hate to paint.

There are a number of projects on my Home To Do list I want to complete before I lose all my hair or become incapacitated.  At my present rate of accomplishment I may have it completed by 2034.  Wish me luck?

And that is all I have to say about that…

 
Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy 1st Day of 2008

01/01/2008

Just a short note to let you all know I am still here and happy as hell.  I have been on vacation since December 22nd and attacking my “Around-the-House-To-Do” list.  Look for my next post early next week.  Thanks for tuning in…

And that is all I have to say about that…

 
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