Hell of a Guy
Do, or do not. There is no 'try'. - Yoda

Thursday, May 28, 2015

I Tickle Me…


A two weeks ago while on a golf outing, well for some it was, for me, not so much. I am not a golfer, and, quite frankly, I perhaps should not even be allowed to own a set of golf clubs. The set of clubs I have I have owned for about 30 years…they are somewhat less than “state-of-the-art” by today’s standards.

First tee jitters? Not really. My game just really sucks, and that was evidenced by my first swing and a drive that more or less trickled just in front, thanks be to God, the infamous red tees. My game when downhill from there. Occasionally, I struck the ball well, but those occasions were sparse at best, and even at that, my good shots by definition and description were those that traveled down the straight down the fairway, distance didn’t really matter, nor did loft. There was a number of times I had to laugh out loud at myself. Yes, I played that badly.

The Nancy and I were in a foursome. Our partners were both pretty good golfers, well, at least they were fair. One guy, a dear, longtime friend is very obviously a golfing perfectionist and way too critical of himself. Anytime one of his shots was not perfect, he got visibly and openly upset…and at times not very much fun to be with.
At one point our friend asked me how I could laugh at myself as I did. I simply explained I get to laugh at myself many, many times each and every day, not when just playing golf.

I have found and totally believe we need to laugh about the silly and stupid things we do. I believe it to be much healthier to laugh at myself than to be critical of myself. And, very much in that sense, I am one very healthy guy.

And that is all I have to say about that…

Friday, May 08, 2015

The Farmer and The Dell…


Could also be entitled: “Dell, Never Again.”

Back in early February of this year I took possession of my new Dell Inspiron 15 laptop. My old Dell Latitude gave up the ghost after just three years, much to my surprise. Even though I thought this just an anomaly, apparently, it was not.

After I had realized my laptop was in a state where the need of a replacement was imminent, and was looking into purchasing a new one, my daughter, who is an Apple gal, told me she had tired of her less expensive laptops failing, one was just some 18 months old when it juiced out, so she invested in an Apple laptop. She said at first the Apple’s operating system took some getting used to, but she managed to do it and now loves it. So, I debated on purchasing an Apple laptop, that is, until I saw the price of one. Ouch!

Living on what was once an old dairy farm, hence “The Farmer” in the title, a laptop or other device of its kind, is a source of amusement. An amusement in the sense the laptop acts as somewhat of an adult pacifier – it certainly can keep this old guy busy doing nothing for hours on end.

As The Nancy and I assume our post-supper positions in “our” chairs to catch up on the TV shows we really have little interest in, other than they help pass the time before we go to bed, we know when the TV is on we don’t feel as though we have to strike up any inane conversation, and the laptop and iPad serve as insurance when a commercial break interrupts the show we are not watching, the devices hold our eye contact and we do not have to shatter the silence with small talk. Perfect.

Anyway, after a lot of back and forth consideration of my daughter’s suggestion I looked seriously into an Apple laptop, but considering the cost difference of about $1000 of Apple versus Dell, I bought another Dell. I am going to attempt to keep this a secret for about another 30 seconds especially from my “I-know-what-is-best-for-you-Dad” daughter who does read my blog, I should have heeded her sage advice. This Dell is not living up to my expectations, and I seriously doubt it will last more than a year.

I have constant issues with my new Dell laptop freezing up with the cursor stuck in one place so that it has to be shutdown manually, or when turning it on it takes forever to boot up, or the screen sometimes just remains black, or programs that suddenly shutdown or disappear. Basically what I am saying in this mea culpa is that this laptop sucks and the purchase of it was a grievous, fundamental error in judgment.

But, being the realist that I hope someday to be and calling a spade a spade, all of this could held to the user of this contraption is an idiot who should not be in the possession of a sophisticated piece of technological innovation, ever. You can choose.

And that is all I have to say about that…

Sunday, May 03, 2015

A Fart in the Woods…


The Nancy and I took a long walk on the Western Maryland Rail Trail in Hancock, MD this morning, a beautiful spring morning I might add. We used the time primarily for the exercise of it, but as we walked we got to enjoy the surrounding sounds nature brings to the season. As we were approaching the last mile of our trek I suddenly had a snippet of a thought developing way, way back in my mind. The title of this piece leans heavily into it.

I just couldn’t help but wonder if someone is in the woods and farts, does the fart, in fact, constitute an act of nature, and therefore a nature sound? Assuming, since I am as much a part of nature as any bird, frog or other creature equipped to make sounds, a fart is quite a natural occurrence, and more times than not, involuntary. Thus, it is a thought worth pondering.

Now this did not happen to The Nancy or me, i.e., flatulence, that is. We merely walked along at a casual pace taking in the peacefulness of a May morning, at times bantering, and other times in quietude. It was nice. It was during a quiet time this fart thing entered my rapidly atrophying medulla oblongata, but I have to admit a good fart is more than natural (and when alone really quite satisfying, often with a heightened sense of accomplishment).

Many of the sounds we hear this time of year from our animal friends are nothing more that mating calls. Happily and thankfully a fart is not one of them…I think.
And that is all I have to say about that…