Monday, June 05, 2006
The Sheer Weight of Memory
06/05/2006
We are only days away from Father’s Day. As I sit here at Dulles Airport waiting to board an airplane to Columbus, Ohio, and oh so frustrated that this damn contraption tells me there is a wireless network available and I cannot access it, I decided to concoct a new post for the http://www.Hell-of-a-Guy.com website. What to write about was giving me some difficulty until I got to thinking about Father’s Day. Of course, that led me to think of my dad.
I have mentioned a couple of times here about the relationship I had with him, especially after I reached my forties and he his eighties. Dad was just a couple of weeks shy of his fortieth birthday when this bouncing baby boy made his grand entrance…at 10lbs, 8ozs. I was forty-two when I told him how much I loved him and how wonderful a man I thought him to be. From that point on our relationship blossomed and grew. I miss him everyday. He died Thanksgiving Day, November 27, 1997.
My dad once told me a story that I will to pass along to you. The story relates to values and, if you will please pardon this heathen for daring to use the term, Christian ethics and how sometimes we do seemingly stupid stuff that causes us grief just with the sheer weight of the memory of it.
Dad valued his word, lived the Golden Rule and would never do anything intentionally to harm friend or foe. He was just that kind of a guy. Russell Anstine White was born in 1904 on Maryland’s Eastern Shore in a little village called Dame’s Quarter. Dad’s family was far from rich. His father kept the family going by earning money as a “waterman” and a boat builder, but nonetheless the family lived a meager existence. There was not much work or money to be had. His mother and youngest brother died in the flu epidemic of 1918, and shortly after that tragedy he and the rest of what was left of his family – his dad, two brothers and a sister – moved to Baltimore and later to Washington, DC. My dad moved back to Baltimore at some point, I believe he may have lived with his grandparents, and in 1928 married my mother. About the same time, dad began to work for the Baltimore Gas and Electric Company in its payroll department. He worked there until his retirement in 1967. It is in this payroll department where this story begins, and to the best of my recollection, this is how it goes.
Dad told me that years ago his company had many “laborers” that worked on various projects spread out around the environs of Baltimore. As a clerk in the payroll office, it was his department’s job to “pay off” the crews that worked outside in the field. In those days BG&E paid the laborers’ in cash, payroll checks did not come into fashion there until about 1964. Dad and some other men were responsible for filling the pay envelopes with the correct amount of cash as each man’s pay. With the envelopes correctly filled, he and the others would travel out to the job sites in a Brink’s trucks, and distribute the envelopes to the men.
Each employee has a four-digit payroll number. I remember dad seeing former and present employees of BG&E many years after he retired and could rattle off their payroll numbers. He had a fantastic memory for numbers and it really spooked people out. He did this almost up to the day he died even though he had been retired for thirty years.
He said “back in those days,” I assume it was in the 50s, the company paid off the labor crews in two dollar bills. Once the total of a week’s payroll was determined, the amount was requisitioned from the bank. Dad and his co-workers would then fill the envelopes with the appropriate amount, and if all went as it was supposed to, there was no money left over as the last worker’s pay envelope was filled with the correct amount of cash. This is the way it was supposed to work.
One particular Thursday evening, as the money for the last envelope was being counted out, they came up two dollars short. This meant that all the employees in the department would have to stay and check each envelope again; making sure each had the correct amount of cash. It also meant the Baltimore Gas and Electric Company would be paying overtime wages to each member of the payroll department. This did not make Bill Graham, dad’s colorful, albeit sometimes grumpy, boss very happy. Everyone knew when the culprit was identified he would be summarily vilified in front of the whole department by Mr. Graham in a very humiliating fashion. No one looked forward to it.
One by one the envelopes were opened and checked. About halfway through the process my dad opened an envelope he had filled, and inside was an extra two-dollar bill. He panicked. Two weeks before, it seems, another error had happened and it, too, was an envelope dad had filled. He did not wish or want to face Mr. Graham’s wrath again. He put the two dollar bill in his pocket and took it home with him.
The two dollar bills came from the bank in packs of fifty bills, $100 worth, with a paper band around them. When all the envelopes were checked, and it appeared that no one in the department had made an error, it was noted on one of the bands used to wrap the bills that it was one bill short. Dad took the bill home with him.
You would really have to have known my dad to know how much out of character this was for him. He fretted over taking that bill for at least forty years. He worried that his self-serving action had caused someone at the bank to be fired. He had told a lie and the weight of it took a heavy toll. Dad told me the story in 1995. He put that bill in the collection plate at church the Sunday after he took it. As he told me the story it was very evident that he was still quite affected by and ashamed of what he had done. As he finished the story, his eyes glassed over and he said to me, “Son, do you think that will keep me out of Heaven?”
Each time I tell this story I get choked up. One time telling it to some friends, I completely broke down and sobbed. This man, who with my mother had raised five children and endowed his children, by his example, with a code of ethics to live by, thought that by some peculiar stretch of the imagination, this one indiscretion could possibly have doomed him to spend eternity in hell. Well, I can most assuredly and unequivocally tell you that if there is any form of life beyond this one, Heaven or whatever, my dad is there at this very moment lying beside the pool indulging in a cool drink with his beloved Alma by his side. Go, Dad, go!!!
If your dad is still living, please, give him a hug for me this Father’s Day.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you and I miss you. And that is all I have to say about that.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Memorial Day 2006
06/03/2006
I spent this past Memorial Day surrounded by family in my wife’s hometown. Memorial Day is a very special day and is observed in high fashion in little Grafton, West Virginia with a huge parade. The parade is in honor of veterans, and this is very important to the people of West Virginia. I have never seen anything like it anywhere. Veterans are highly respected and often honored by the people of West Virginia.
The Memorial Day Parade in Grafton is the biggest social event of the year. It draws marchers and spectators from all over the West Virginia countryside and beyond. It is a time when families get together to honor those who have given so much to support the freedoms we enjoy. Buried in the National Cemetery in Grafton are heroes from every war in which Americans have fought, including the Civil War. Thornberry Bailey Brown, the first Union soldier to die in battle is buried in Grafton’s National Cemetery.
Memorial Day is also a time for families to come together, and that is what ours got to do. For the first time my daughters, Michelle and Meredith, Nancy’s daughter Jackie, all five of our grandchildren (Whoopee! We found out we have another due in January), our sons-in-law, Phil and Ken, Nancy’s brother and her parents were able to break bread together under one roof. Certainly not all the family, but more then we have had together in a while, and the first time for Michelle to visit Grafton. We had a ball.
The parade is one that befits small-town Americana. Some might think it is unsophisticated, even a little hokie but I love every second of it. Grafton is a town of maybe 2000 people and I think most of them were lining the streets of the parade route that day. In small-town parades, in case you have never had the pleasure, you get to see all kinds of local celebrities and groups marching by or riding on small floats as they meander along the parade route smartly. Every emergency vehicle in the county, it seemed, was in the parade, an Army band marched by as did the marching bands from the areas middle and high schools, the highlight being the Grafton High School Marching Band. Since the majority of the adults lining the parade route graduated from Grafton High School, the applause was deafening as they marched by. What parade would be complete without the ubiquitous Shriners and Masons with their scooters, go carts, clowns and gags? They were in this one, for sure. Kids by the hundreds, as each of the county’s elementary schools had a contingent of students in the parade. The Grafton High’s 2006 graduating class marched by wearing their bright blue gowns and caps - one young lady marched in flip-flops. We saw “Mini Beauty Queens” and pageant “Kings” dressed to the nines riding in convertibles giving their best royal waving gesture, baton-twirling lasses of all ages – some looked to be as young three-years old – dressed in their sequined cheerleader outfits with pom-poms or batons, veteran groups (American Legion, Veterans of Foreign Wars and Combat Wounded Veterans) and a few local politicians to boot. Of course, there were horses, but fortunately for most of the marchers and the spectators, they come almost last generally followed by some buckskin adorned moutainmen, firing muskets into the air – as a signal to hightail it out of town because the parade is over. We even got to see Randal McCloy, the miner who miraculously escaped death in the Slago mine disaster early this year. He and his wife were on a small float.
Me being the weenie that I am these days, found myself getting a little emotional as I watched with pride, taking in the spirit of the day and having all my very special girls by my side. I cannot define what that was about, but I was on the verge of tears a few times, and it did not go unnoticed. Michelle recognized my bout of emotion and let me know she had. Whatever it was, was genuine and from the heart. Being vulnerable is a gift I was given at M3E – http://www.millennium3education.com.
Anyway, this was, I think, about the sixth time I have had the privilege to view this extraordinary parade. I know the picture I have attempted to paint does not do justice to it. Even the photographs I have included do not give the visual I would like you to see. I wish that all of you could have been there to enjoy it with me.
And that is all I have to say about that.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Emotional?
05/25/2006
I am in Kansas City, Missouri - actually in Kansas, but damn close to the state line. I have been out with a guy I get to work with, and he and I have enjoyed a few brewskies and shared some truths and stories about growing up, family, and work. Well, I am back in my temporary habitual abode and I got to thinking about some of the things I shared with my co-worker, and that lead me to think about things that make me cry, or, at the very least move me into an emotional state. The beer has kicked in and my mental processes are in high gear, so hold on. The bovine fecal matter is about to reath the patella level.
Are there things that hit you like this…
1. I get emotional sometimes when I think about my wife Nancy and how much I miss her when I travel or when she is is not close by.
2. Certain songs, even some instrumentals, send me to an emotional moment. The lyrics below sent me over the edge. I am not a Jesus freak, I am not religious or overly spiritual, but this song (and I am not sure of the artist who sings it) hit my emotional button and I cannot explain it.
“I Can Only Imagine”
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine [x2]
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
3. Thoughts of how much I miss my dad push me to the brink.
4. Sunrise and sunset tend to send me to a special place, with that warm, fuzzy, weightless feeling I get around my heart.
5. Hugs get me going, especially from people I do not know and may never see again.
6. Babies hold a special place in my heart, I love to hear them laugh when I get down on the floor to their level and be with them. I flirt with babies and it kills me to know we have to teach little ones to fear adults. That makes me cry and makes me mad.
7. Grandchildren and the joy they give me, especially when they say, “I love you, Dave” or when I hear that my Vivienne has told her mom she wants to “Go see Grandpa in the mountains.”
8. My “three” beautiful daughters - two of my own, and one that I claim and wish was my own. I cannot dwell on them long or I tend to fall apart.
9. My special girls - eight in all who I wish were my daughters (Amy, Alexias, Anna, Jenn, Jennifer, Meagan, Suzzanne, Tanya and Tarah,) but I love them as if they were.
10. Dale (and his wife, Judy), my guy in New Mexico and the only man I have kissed on the mouth as an adult, aka my New Mexican lover - another day, another story.
11. My Millennium3 Farm house and the peace it offers to me.
12. My job, my bosses and my co-workers - who have given me much more joy than I deserve.
13. My in-laws, who are now the closet thing I have to a mom and dad.
14. And my brothers and sisters with whom I have a distant closeness.
15. The gift of serenity given to me by my way of being, and my outlook on life at this point in my life, is now my greatess joy. I don’t know if there is a higher level of happiness for me, but I love where I am. I think I have reached the seventh level.
If I sit here long enough and ponder this, I could add many more. I suck these things in, these things that give me joy. My rapaciousness for these little things that give me great joy is growing. As I peregrinate (don’t you just love a jerkweed who uses these 50 cent words that cause you to have to get out a dictionary?) through the balance of my time on this earth, this list will grow. This little website has drawn nearly 9000 hits since Febraury 15th. I don’t know, and can hardly imagine, who could possibly be interested in my life or what I have to say about my life or life in general, but if this gives you one second of joy, a chuckle or causes you to think, then, holy crap, I am a successful blogger.
Albert Einstein said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
And that is all I have to say on that.
Monday, May 22, 2006
You May Be Blessed
05/22/2006
I have read a number of books lately of the “DaVinci Code” genre: “The Templar Legacy,” “The Last Templar,” “The Jesus Papers,” “The Secret Supper” and “The Gospel of Judas.” All seem to boil down to a common theme and that being that God or a form of Higher Being is completely different than the God depicted in the Bible. In an earlier posting, “God, Me and the Quantum World,” I confessed to a life-long search for God. It was in Dallas eighteen months ago that I had my spiritual epiphany as I attended the Millennium3 Education workshops. It is there I came to the realization that God is in everything and everything is God, and that I am connected spiritually to all things. Deep? Not really. All one has to do is look around and feel the presense of a higher power, collective consciousness - see it in a swaying tree, a bird in flight, a baby’s laughter and especially in a sunrise or sunset. God is truly in all things.
I received the website link below this morning in an e-mail from a friend in South Carolina. I need not add anything to it, the movie speaks for itself.
http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com