Hell of a Guy

A Hell of a Guy Milestone and Other Junk

09/24/2006

Just recently this website enjoyed its 20,000th hit.  I am not really sure exactly who all of you are, but I thank you for visiting here and enjoying, hopefully, my bullshit.  One wish of mine is that none of you are identity thieves searching for a temporary home, though I have recently taken out identity-theft insurance to guard against such rapscallions who would prey on others because they are too lazy to work honestly.  My sincerest thanks for spending a little time being enlightened, entertained or just bored silly by a semi-older, balding man with just a little too much extra time on his hands, or even worse, perhaps you are just way too cheap to pay to view a porn site.  My thanks also to my daughter Meredith (http://www.metalmeredith.com) and son-in-law Phil (http://www.topdeadcenterdesign.com) for giving me this site as a gift for my birthday just so I have something to amuse myself instead of visiting them.  20K hits since my first post on February 28th.  This is unfathomable. 

Here’s the junk segment.  Do you remember the TV show “Kids Say the Darndest Things?”  Art Linkletter had this segment on his daytime TV show many years ago, and later Bill Cosby had a show of the same name that ran for two years – 1998 to 2000.  The show had Bill Cosby speaking with some children of an age range of five to maybe seven or eight.  I thought about this last weekend as The Nancy and I were driving to see her parents with two of our grandchildren in the car with us.  Jared (7) and Jon-Luke (5) are so typically boyish, especially Jared. 

A couple weeks ago Jared’s mother’s half-sister got married.  The Nancy was asking Jared about the wedding and the reception.  Jared told of his dance floor prowess and about dancing with a cousin (we assumed the cousin to be of the female persuasion.  He told us about the bride throwing the bouquet and how he snagged it with a diving catch.  Apparently, she threw one for the single girls and ladies and another made up of candy for the kids.  Then he told us of an event at the wedding reception that had us roaring with laughter.

Jared spoke of the Groom on bended knee in front of the seated bride.  “He took off her underwear and threw it over his shoulder.” 

“Jared,” says The Nancy.  “Are you sure it was her underwear?”

“Yeah.  I think it was her thong.”

I suppose you would have had to have been with us for the full jolt of this, but believe me it was not only cute, if was hysterically funny.

The grandchildren are good at asking questions, especially Jared.  One day while having lunch at McDonald’s, just Jared, Lukie and me, Jared said to me, “Dave, have you ever had sex?”  Now, I gotta tell you he was very serious, and my response to his query was muted and stunned.  I merely told him I was not prepared to discuss that with him at that time.  He floored me, but seemed contented with my answer and went on playing with the toy from the Happy Meal that he wasn’t eating.

On another occasion, my main man Justin, the nine-year old and the senior male child of this family, who I saw naked on the day of his birth and nicked named Dirk Digler – the boy will be a lady pleaser for sure, said to me very matter-of-factly, “Dave, give me $100.”  He stuck out his hand, as if I might really give it to him, if I indeed had it to give in the first place.  I think he got a little miffed at the gesture rendered in his direction by one older male, grandfather wannabe and continued to hold forth his paw even after I turned away.  Justin is our football star – a seventy-five pound center/halfback/linebacker. 

Jessica, the oldest of our combined number of one-generation removed, family members, is way too into her friends these days to pay much attention to two, or better put this way so I don’t get into deep do-do with The Nancy, “one”  rapidly aging old fart, grandparent.  We generally see her for five minutes here or ten minutes there when we visit.  This kid is so beautiful I can only look at her for a few minutes before I begin to get emotional.  She is soon to be twelve going on twenty-one.  One time recently as we were leaving her house she gave me a hug.  I thought I would cry.  Weird, huh? 

The above takes care of four of the five GKs.  Our youngest lives in Richmond, Virginia.  Vivienne Leigh is just three years old.  She calls me “grampa” and The Nancy most of the time is “Mancy.”  Vivienne used to refer to The Nancy as “Mancy, with one mole.”  Vivienne is a precocious, cuter-than-hell, piece of work.  When she is in our car she likes to speak of being followed by an imaginary, giant meatball.  Don’t ask where that came from, I don’t have a clue.

The Nancy and I will have six of these little darlings come January 2007.  Meredith is due then and is probably more than ready now to get it over with.  Grandchildren are a pain in the ass.  People who say otherwise are full of crap, and this is the truth.  I will have to say this, though: I wouldn’t change anyone of them for all the money in the world.  They make me laugh.  They make me cry.  Their love is totally unconditional and given so easily away.  I cherish each one, and, dammit, they know I am a pushover for a hug.

And that’s all I have to say about that…

 
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