Hell of a Guy

Garden, Circa 2012


It is already that time of the year to plan the 2012 version of the vegetable garden, my 16’X48’ torture pit, and I am deep into the planning phase.

A friend reminded me just last week how each year I begin the garden process with great anticipation only to cuss the hell out of it as the spring moves into summer…but this year will be different.  What that difference might be is unknown at this juncture, but the season is young.

For my birthday my dear wife got me a four-foot grow light just so I can get a head start planting seeds indoors.  I can visualize helicopters flying overhead inspecting the source of the heat signature just prior to the SWAT team knocking down the doors of the house when they raid it only to find 36 tomato and 24 pepper seedlings bathing in light and warmth of the lamp.  I will keep you posted.

This year I bought seeds from a catalog house rather than Lowes, Home Depot or Food Lion.  I have found these purveyors cannot always be trusted to put out fresh seeds.  I have been told ordering from a seed catalog pretty much insures the purchase of fresh seeds – if that is the proper term for them.  Anyway, I have almost $50.00 worth of “fresh” seeds, and a 1000 seeds more than I can conceivably plant, even if I had an acre or two tilled and ready.  I will just count them as spares, just in case.

Yesterday, since the weather here in Beautiful Downtown Berkeley Springs, West Virginia, population 711 was 35,000 degrees above normal, I fired up the tiller, another one of those contraptions I never would have thought I would own, and worked over the soil in the garden space.  If you have never operated a garden tiller, you should.  It is a definite experience of a certain “je ne sais quoi.”  By the time I was done every bone in my body ached, every mussel stretched and sore.  I thought when I bought the damn thing all I needed to do was to guide it.  I really missed the mark on that one.

Most of this past winter’s bio-degradable, compostable waste is now turned under in the garden plot.  Hopefully it will add nutrients to the soil and grow the crap out of some whatever I end up planting there. In addition to the tomatoes and peppers I have several kinds of beans, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, squash, chard, beets and a host of other stuff.  One item I am excited to plant just to see if I can get them to grow is hops.  Yes, hops, as in beer, and I am very excited about them. I love me some beer.

I promise not to get grumpy (as in bitch) about the garden when the weeds attempt to take it over in June.  I won’t complain about the amount of hours I have in it or the money I spent on seeds, peat moss or any equipment or supplies purchased when the rain doesn’t come in July and everything dries up and rots on the vine.  Won’t do it!

And that is all I have to say about that…

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