Hell of a Guy

More Bullshit I Call Art…

11/18/2010

I posted something on Facebook yesterday and it has drawn me a number of kudos.  Basically I lauded the workshops I did at the Millennium Center is Dallas that began six years ago today.  I said the workshops (3) opened my eyes as to who I truly am, and taught me to love me for it.  It was the best thing I have ever done for me. They have had a huge impact on my life.

Not long ago I read an e-mail story written by a guy who piloted the SR-71, the Blackbird spy plane capable of speeds upwards of 2100 miles and hour, and how he flew over hostile territory in Libya with missiles chasing him just to get some surveillance photographs of terrorist training camps.  It made me feel a tad inadequate with what I have done with my life.  A few days ago The Nancy and I watched “Mr. Holland’s Opus,” a story (aka, tearjerker) about a music teacher who had a tremendous impact on his students and their lives with his love of music and of teaching. The movie made me wonder all the more about me and my impact on others.  And then to top it off, earlier that day we saw an old friend who is a hard-working, single mom, but it didn’t stop her from getting her masters degree so she could better support economically-depressed kids in crisis.  She is making a huge difference with her life.  All of that got me to thinking and begs the question, what have I done with my life, what is its value, have I made a difference? 

I have been more than lucky most of my life, good jobs, a relatively good income and all that goes with it.  I think my success can more simply be explained as merely being in the right place at the right time.  Frankly, I am just not the brightest bulb in the lamp, and I cannot pretend to be.  I chose not to finish college, the reason is more sloth than IQ; I just didn’t care to do what it took to get the job done (yet another story).  School was not for me, sitting in class was for me what time on the rack must have been for French prisoners in the early 1800’s – extremely painful.  Bullshit seemed to come easy for me, and I used it to my advantage more than once in my life.  I have to admit it, if I had relied on IQ I would be in a world of do-do!  BS was the only route left to this lazy, underachiever.

This blog is an outlet for me: It is my diary, my journal.  I really do this for me and no one else, though I am more than flattered this blog has been accessed over 240,000 times in five years, which goes to prove there are a lot of people out there with way too much time on their hands.  It is also a means for me to continually examine and evaluate who I am and what I am about.  Life, after all, is a journey, not a destination.

I am not sure if I have ever really written anything that might have an effect on someone’s life, but this blog has on mine.  It allows me to think, to ponder the “what if’s” and the “only if’s” of my life.  So, while writing this and thinking about what a worthless piece of crap I might be, this is where I ended up.

I have had a relationship with two incredible, very smart women.  Both have a place in my heart – one past, one present.  I am blessed with two incredible daughters who in their own way have made me more proud than I could have ever expected to be.  I have a step-daughter who I think of as my own, and who is incredible in her own right.  I have six grandchildren who tickle the crap out of me, and more family members and friends than I can possibly count.

Over the years, fully using all the BS I could muster, I fooled my various bosses into believing I know what I am doing out here.  I put up such a smoke screen back in the early 80’s, I got promoted.  Along the way a number of salespeople working for me have been promoted and recognized with awards for sales accomplishments.  I have been recognized by peers as a “giver,” but not sure why.  I just do what I think is right and fair.  I have been blessed in many more ways than I feel I deserve.

Time will tell what my legacy will be, not that it is important.  I try to “pay it forward” with “random act of kindness” whenever an opportunity arises.  I won’t pass by someone in need; it just isn’t in my nature.  I won’t cheat you, or take advantage of you and I won’t lie to you…and this allows me to sleep like a baby every night of my life.  You know, the more I write, the more I like the guy operating these keys. 

I suppose I will always wonder if have made a difference along the road of life?  I suppose as time goes on and I go with it, I will be presented opportunities to dispense with the bullshit and dive in with determined action to make a difference and to add value to my life, and perhaps someone else’s, but until that time eventuates, I suppose using a little bullshit will be okay?

And that is all I have to say about that…

 
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