Hell of a Guy

Old MacDonald…


Today at 9am The Nancy and I will do something new, a new adventure.  We are going to a farm auction to bid on a tractor.  A tractor?  Yes, a tractor, a big Kubota tractor, no less.

The summer weather here on The Farm this year has been weird.  We have suffered numerous thunder storms with torrential downpours, these downpours have torn up our half-mile long driveway leaving deep ruts in many places along it.  So Mr. Hee Haw here has decided a tractor might be good to have on hand.  This one is a front-end loader and to this novice is more than a tad intimidating.

I am a city boy, so this farm equipment stuff is completely foreign to me.  I have written before how I never in my wildest dreams never thought my name and “chainsaw” would ever be used in the same sentence. That was five or six years ago.  These days I am the proud owner of not only a chainsaw, my second one because I screwed up the first one, but also a tiller and a commercial grade Zero-Turn mower, which has been in the repair shop so often they have a stall reserved for it.  As I have mentioned in the past, I have no natural mechanical ability and this was proven many years ago when I was given a series of tests prior to enlisting in the Air Force and is further proven with the stack of repair receipts in a special file labeled “Stupidity in Action.”

The Nancy mentioned to the maintenance supervisor at her office that we might be looking for a used tractor, and he mentioned one to be auctioned today at a farm not far from us.  We visited this farm earlier this week to take a look at this gigantic Kubota tractor.  We are talking big, like humongous, as in large.  The daggone thing is covered with levers and buttons and peddles and all kinds of controls seemingly connected to one another for what purpose I have not a clue.  It is large enough to scare the crap out of me, but more than big enough to do the job.

This Kubota is about 10-years old, and it has been used and used a lot.  I am told it functions well, though cosmetically it just ain’t pretty.  In this case function will win out over form…but there is an issue to consider and that issue is yours truly. 

In the very simple operation of mowing I have managed to position the mower in the lake, over an embankment, had to drag it out of mud more times than I can count, hit trees and caused various damages to it requiring about $2000 worth of repairs making the mower about a $10,000 investment.  God did not intend for me to be operating any machinery other than a blender, I am convinced of it.

Having never attended an auction, but having seen them on TV, I will keep my hands in my pockets, will make no sudden moves or twitchy facials expressions, I will remain a stoic as humanly possible.  Lord knows, with my luck I will end up bidding thousands of dollars with a giggle, a burp, a sneeze or a fart.  Should we end up buying this thing we have some studying to do, and fortunately there is an operator’s manual that comes with the Kubota for The Nancy to read.  I just hope it is not in Japanese.

And that is all I have to say about that…

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