Hell of a Guy

What the hell has he done now?


Have you ever had a dream in which you found yourself outside in your underwear, or even worse, naked?  Have you ever been outside in your underwear or naked? 

The Nancy and I live out in the country.  Our house is a little over a half mile off the paved road.  We are secluded.  I must own up to the fact that I have been outside naked on more than one occasion.  It didn’t take much self-urging to do it.  I just did it. (Maybe I can be in a Nike commercial?)  If this is a mental photograph you don’t wish to visit, now might be a good time to check in on Meredith at http://www.metalmeredith.com.

One morning about a year ago, shortly after The Nancy and I moved in to this house, I took a little walk around the old barn just off our property in the buff, just so I could say I did it.  It was early in the morning, so no one was around; even The Nancy was sound asleep.  Another time I had taken a shower in the bathroom in the basement and then took a short walk out the basement door in the rain, and you guessed it…el buffo!  The rainwater was chilly but nonetheless refreshing.

The neat thing about this is there was no laughter at the sight of this aging body roaming around outside in natural glory.  Funny thing, deer and turkey don’t laugh…at least not out loud and the birds don’t give a shit.  Maybe they all muffle it?

I told The Nancy while on a Carnival cruise to the Gulf of Mexico back in 1997 that I was going up to the “clothing optional” deck where I would disrobe, and if no one laughed, I would stay.  Well, when I went to that area of the ship there were some folks up there; all were fully clothed, except for one lady who should have been.  I decided against exposing this pristine, Herculean body for public consumption just so I would not be categorized with someone whose body was not as perfect as the one I occupy.  It would not have been fair to her, and I am fair to a fault.

Now I have a place where I can wonder the countryside in whatever state of dress or undress I choose.  And I have done this a couple of times.

I will make the announcement publicly:  This boy done cut the grass naked as a jaybird, and enjoyed every sunburned inch of it…so to speak.  My wife seems to take great joy in telling this little story to almost everyone.  I think she is either proud of me, or just wants it on the record that she knows about it.  That way when the gossip about the Naked Grass-Mowing Guy comes back to her, she can say, “I knew that.” 

Of course I wasn’t truly naked.  I did wear shoes.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

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