Hell of a Guy
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. - Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Retirement’s Downfall…


It’s a downfall alright.  I have come to realize retirement is not all that good for me.  I am finding it is detrimental to my overall wellbeing, especially where the waistline is concerned.

The Nancy and I used to be good about watching our weight.  She and I made it a habit to step on the scale and record our weight every Friday, though lately we have managed, by design, to avoid it.  When we hit a certain number, or the scale wailed in agony, we would resort to our emergency weight loss program; that being a quick-fix diet called “Weight Loss for Idiots.”  This is an 11-day program wherein you eat four small meals a day made up of specific foods.  It worked well for us, especially if we did two stints on the program. 

My issue these days is the daggone refrigerator; the doors open way too freely and someone keeps putting my favorite snacks in there.  I am convinced an evil minded spirit has access to a key to our house and sneaks in in the middle of the night to re-stock high fat, high calorie victuals specifically intended for me to consume 24/7.  It seems I cannot pass by that damned appliance without grabbing the handles and peering inside to see what I missed.  Our electric bills are on the rise.  Apparently, the doors are not supposed to be opened hundreds of times a day.

When I retired two years ago my weight stood at 212lbs of manly mass (note I did not refer to the mass as muscle).  I felt pretty good about it since I am a long way from the mid-life crisis stage I had to endure twenty years ago when I got down below 190.  I have matured.  Anyway, I forced my soon to be morbidly obese body onto the scale as the scale shivered in fear of the trauma it was about to endure, and was not so shocked as the digital scale ran up to a number of 225.6.  I knew it was coming, but was not so prepared for the immediate depression that accompanied the scale screaming “Get off!!!”  I have reached the point of no return.  A decision has to be made.  Do I diet or do I purchase larger clothing?

Something deep within my medulla oblongata is telling me I have to do something and do it soon, I have to try to get this snacking habit under control.  Then I get this ringing in my ears, it’s Yoda’s voice and I can clearly hear the words.  “Do or do not, there is no try.”  Stay tuned for further developments. 

And that is all I have to say about that…